round the bend and on to the final straight
17:34 15/02/2004
Dear Reader,
forgive the change in format, but it is an experiment, a fancy. Take it, if you will, as another facet of my own little madness, a quirk in these so called rantings. These have been neglected of late, and after a good start of about one per week, I was quite satisfied with my updates. However, these last few weeks, have been strange, worrisome, yet fun and even at times fruitful. I have elaborated a little on some of my recent thoughts in my previous ranting, which I noticed today has a duplicate subject from an earlier entry. That subject being the future, perhaps that should be capitalised into The Future. In any case, it has been a point for concern and one that I have turned my mind to. But this has caused more problems.
I have found that I prefer to deal with only one task at a time, to give it my full concentration and do it right and if I try to do otherwise, I find myself spread too thin. I spend more time worrying about the various tasks I must complete than actually getting anything done, which in itself causes more anxiety, like a chain reaction it feeds on itself and grows. With multiple things calling for my attention in the last few weeks, I made some concious decisions, trying to concentrate on more pressing matters than the elusive future. I have been successful to some extent but failed miserably in other ways. My concentration also seems to be bound up in weeks, one week concentrating on NetSoc, another on my final year project and then came the week where I felt myself spread too thin. The pressure is starting to build, thankfully I have been known to work well under pressure. My only fear, is that it has been a while since I last succeeded in pulling it off to my satisfaction. Luck is another factor, which all too often, to the disgust of others, smiles upon me. I hope she will be gracious to smile on me once more!
In any case, the future has been weighing heavily on me. I am turning round the bend, coming on to the final straight of my course, but I find my mind elsewhere, eager to be on to the next challenge. The lectures have become increasingly boring for me, and the work that I need to do, tiresome and unappealing. I feel like a racehorse enclosed in the cage before the race begins, champing at the bit, eager to be off, struggling to break free, but the next race isn’t ready to start yet. I should be concentrating on what I am supposed to be doing, resting, calmly waiting in the cage for the current race to finish. However, I am also running in that race, galloping for the post. Let us see how I finish the race. Anybody care for a wager?
Yours truly,
The Writer.